It's been a long time since we met. The last time I saw you, we were at a railway platform. I was waiting for my train. And then I saw you, you had just passed me. At that point of time, at that moment, I found my feet trying to push me to walk, my hands trying to reach your shoulders to stop you. But, then I held myself back and gulped down the fidgety I felt. I plugged my earphones and then my playlist became my saviour. This playlist had become my escape. Escape, from you. While listening to the songs, I imagined myself in a world where you do not even exist. But, nothing stopped you. You had already seen me. With hesitation, clear on your face, you cam to me and said 'hi'. And, I didn't know how to react. My mind started gushing with thoughts such as, should I leave the place? Should I talk to you? Should I accept you back and let it all go? Should I take out the rage which I had kept within me? The rage that never mitigated with time, the rage that had so many questions hidden beneath. That why did you leave me, when you were supposed to hold me tight instead? I was still longing for your one call, one message that you miss me, and you are sorry and explanations. But, I gulped down everything and instead just turned towards you and said 'hi'. You were almost shivering, trying to talk to me. And, I was ignoring all the questions you placed in front of me. Then you asked me if I want to talk to you or not? And, I smirked looking at you. Because I laughed at myself reminding, that you are the same person, who once said "you dare not talk to me again", is coming back and asking me the same question I asked years back? 3 years, right? It took you 3 years, to feel sorry for all the wrongs you did to me. It took you 3 years to apologise to me for turning the cloud dry and never pouring the rain of happiness when I needed it the most. It took you 3 years to realise, that you miss me, you want to hold me back again and I should let you in. Tell me, why I should let you in? Let you in so that again you can break me into shreds? Let you in, so that, I can again be vulnerable in your presence and blame myself for all the sufferings you'll make me go through? Let you in, so that, you can take me for granted again?
All I said was, "I have a train to catch. I forgive you for the pain you have caused me. And this is the last thing I have to say to you."'
All I ever wonder what if I had forgiven you? What if you had changed,for real? What if I'd kissed you instead and hugged you? But, something in me says that I did the right thing.